To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman...Some of the best and most honoured women I know were poor girls, but so love-worthy that they were not allowed to be old maids - Little Women
in the blink of an eye, it’s may 2013. wow, where did all my time and youth and innocence go?
so i may be slight inebriated but i’m really inspired to update my tumblr after coming back from a not that particularly great though it was fun boat cruise (BOOZE CRUISE). it was pretty enlightening though.
today is important for many reasons. today was supposed to be our anniversary which never happened. >: because he gave up on me before i even had the chance to give him his present. this made me realize that people can and will leave you, no matter how much they let you feel like everything is going to be alright. people don’t ever stick around, they always leave, and at the end of the day, i can only count on myself to stick up for myself. (which i am terrible at and still haven’t learnt but i guess i will have to sooner or later).
today i had dance classes, which always never fails to remind me how much i love dance and the joy it brings to me.
today i decided to stop being vulnerable and letting other people take advantage of me or use me because i am sick and tired of having my hopes and expectations crushed. i have witnessed how people just dump you like a sad used toy. it hurts, and i won’t let it happen ever again. after so many times, i should have learnt from my mistakes. i know it feels nice at the moment, to feel cherished, even if it’s all a facade, and appreciated. but the words are all for show; they don’t mean anything anyway. i just let myself get too caught up.
today, 2 things happened that really appealed to my sentient being. firstly, it was someone treating me kindly. someone who was kind enough to hang around me, who shared his kind words, who sang me songs to cheer me up, who is basically one of the sweetest things on earth. and also, my friend said something about how we must look to our roots and beliefs and stand by them, because the western people have a different set of morals, which i find really true, i didn’t expect people to be like this here, despite what is usually depicted in movies, but honestly, they are just so flippant about the things i care so much for. so yeah. i will stop letting myself go wild. time to find my morals and to be a better person. SELF-REGULATION.
so don’t be deceived by attractive appearances or deceptive words. beautiful doesn’t mean anything unless you mean the word. i know it will be hard when it gets lonely, because i am used to having someone love me, but i think it’s better not to have it than to deal with the loss. every. single. time.
here’s to being a better me.
alright. today is the day i shall start loving myself a little bit more, to stop making the same regretful mistakes over and over and over again. to stop hating myself. to believe in something once again. to find inner peace with myself and wait for things, instead of screwing everything up on impulse.